An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #8

 

A whirlwind of emotions this week. We heard the investigation into the COVID-19 outbreak at the Soldiers' Home in Holyoke is wrapping up soon. Will the families get answers? Probably not ones we can trust. The attorney for the superintendent that was placed on paid leave because of this fiasco held a press conference this week. He pointed the finger at the state. Well, the state officials have been pointing their fingers in his direction, claiming they weren't informed of the situation. 

Sometimes it feels like it's all a game to everyone except the families who have suffered as a result. Lawyers and politicians have no idea what we've gone through. Nothing will bring my father-in-law back. No investigation will change what happened. But, change is necessary to protect the remaining and future residents of the Soldiers' Home. So, the families continue to keep the story out there in the media. We continue to share memories of our loved ones. We continue to try to find a way to contribute and make a difference.

This week, I spoke to a woman whose father befriended my father-in-law. They had a group of eight guys hanging out, sharing stories, and enjoying one another's company. Five are gone now. What must it be like for those who remain? What must it be like for the staff that remains? I shuddered to think of it. 

I'm eager to hear they are open to visitors again. There are people I want to see and veterans who I would like to spend time with. We all must heal together. 

The good thing is that going back to work has helped a bit. I'm also writing some. If my mind stays busy, the darkness can't take over. I opened my Bible app today to Psalm 55:22: Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Oh, I needed to hear that today. If I were a better Christian, the darkness would be drowned out by the light. If I spent more time in prayer, my frustration would subside. I am reading the Word, but definitely not enough. In some ways, I feel unworthy, since I should immediately flock to the comfort of the Word in times of trouble. Why haven't I spent the long nights when I struggle to sleep reading my Bible? 

Brighter days are coming. They might not come easy, but they will come. I feel it will be easier once I find a new church. That needs to be a focus once life returns to some form of normal. I miss singing. I miss fellowship. I miss that time dedicated solely to something to refresh my soul. 

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #6

 

Yesterday, we drove in a parade in support of one of our neighbors who has Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. This is her second battle with the disease, and we know she is in for a tough fight. Most of the neighbors gathered on the street, but since we were are still isolating ourselves we felt it best to drive in our car. What a wonderful outpouring of support for this woman. She is so loved by our community. I hope all the well-wishers lifted her spirits as she travels to Boston to start an aggressive treatment plan for the next month. 

Our lives are returning to some semblance of normal--the new normal anyway. Governor Baker extended the closure of non-essential businesses yesterday from May 4 until May 18. Not unexpected, but another reminder that the world as we know it has been changed by a foe that has already taken too many lives.

The Baker Administration has also put together a group responsible for formulating a plan to get the state economy going again. I am on the fence about this. Part of me realizes that there are families suffering because breadwinners are out of work and they need relief. There is also the tiny part of me who feels like the government's interference in private businesses is wrong and sets a dangerous precedent we might never come back from ever again. Those parts are overridden by having seen how devastating this virus can be. 

Now, one could argue: your father-in-law was old and had preexisting conditions. While that is true, those who cared for him always said he was one of their healthiest residents. I've also had friends who have had the virus. I've seen what this thing does. It's scary. 

We will get through this. We will, hopefully, learn from it. Hopefully, we will be better people after all this is over because this dreadful virus doesn't care what your social class is, what race you are, or how you identify yourself. It doesn't discriminate. We are all susceptible to it. 

God, please wipe out this horrible virus and heal our world. 

Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed;
save me and I will be saved,
for you are the one I praise.

~ Jeremiah 17:14

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #5

 

This has been a trying week. Last Thursday (April 16), when we FaceTimed my father-in-law, I noticed a change in him. He wasn't talking much and appeared confused. Since he mentioned to me the previous week he always seemed hungry, I thought he might be hypoglycemic. So, I contacted the Soldiers' Home.

The next day, my brother-in-law FaceTimed him and told me he seemed the same--said a word or two, but not communicating (out of it). I called the Soldiers' Home again. On Saturday, I had a long conversation with the person covering for the doctor. All his vitals were good and he was eating breakfast, but they would test him again for COVID-19 as a precaution. I felt a glimmer of hope that he just experienced a bad day or two.

As we sat down to Easter dinner Sunday afternoon (we celebrate Orthodox Easter too), we received the dreaded phone call no family wants--he is in distress. They could keep him comfortable at the Soldiers' Home or send him to the hospital. We opted for the hospital.

After not much sleep Sunday night, the phone rang Monday morning. The message held more bad news. If we wanted to see Harry, we better come now.

The man I have always joked has nine lives, left us Monday night. Having now seen how dreadful this virus is and how it ravages the body in ways I couldn't imagine, it reinforces my decision to isolate ourselves as much as possible.

We are devastated at the unexpected loss of a man who meant the world to us. To add to our grief, we couldn't invite family or friends to share in today's funeral service. A man who was so well-loved deserved better. That room would have been filled with people under normal circumstances.

I'm tired of navigating this new normal. I couldn't even hug my mother-in-law today, because now that it has been confirmed Harry died of COVID-19, my husband and I have been exposed. Though totally suited up in all kinds of PPE when we visited him in the hospital, we must protect our loved ones. I wouldn't give up that short time we had with Harry before he passed, but I don't even want to go out to the grocery store or pick up take out for the next 14 days.

When we picked up Harry's belongings from the Soldiers' Home yesterday, we got a bunch of boxes of stuff packed up by the National Guard. We had to sift through those belongings and sign some form stating we had everything. Do we really? I don't know. It seems ridiculous they wanted me to riffle through the belongings of a man who had the virus. But, it's nice of them to give you some silly piece of paper telling you how to handle that possibly contaminated stuff once you get it home (don't think they need more liability right now).

My father-in-law was the 63rd resident of the Soldiers' Home in Holyoke to die of COVID-19. As of today, that number is up to 73. When will it end?

The only way in which I can process this loss of life is to know that these veterans are no longer held hostage by the confines of an earthly body. There is no more sorrow and no more pain for them. The Parkinson's disease that left Harry unable to walk or write and impacted his ability to speak no longer plagues him. He is free from the pain of arthritis. He celebrates now with his father and mother and other friends and family who have gone before him. And, I am confident we will meet again one day.


“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” - John 14:1-3

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #4

 

It has been a month of closed schools and businesses. Over the last week, grocery stores in the area have taken even greater precautions to keep consumers and employees safe, like one way arrows in all the aisles to control the flow of traffic.

My new normal is working mostly from home, Zoom for all work or volunteer group meetings, and the entire family home for who knows how long. For Easter, I tried to keep things as normal as possible. Easter egg hunt for the girls in the morning and turkey and ham for dinner. Even though we had a much smaller group than usual, we had a nice time.

More deaths from the Soldiers' Home in Holyoke hit the news (52 so far). Our hearts go out to all those affected. I am grateful that my father-in-law is holding his own so far.

My family is finally getting to see my neat freak side. I think I have washed the kitchen floor three times this week. It helps with my allergies, and now that the living areas have had a good cleaning, I want to keep them that way.

I've read a mix of fiction and non-fiction lately. Before I became a blogger, I had read only non-fiction for two years. I'm grateful blogging turned me back on to the great fiction out there. My main blog, The Book Connection, has been around for more than a decade. Some blogs have come and gone, but I'm thrilled that the loyal readers keep tuning in. More time to blog is a blessing of the current situation. I'm also using my extra time to reach out to folks to see how they are doing. We need to support each other.



When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

Isaiah 43:2

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #3

 

Looking for blessings through this COIVD-19 mess. Here are a few:

• Father-in-law tested negative at this time
• 159 others at the Soldiers' Home also tested negative
• I FaceTimed my father-in-law on Thursday and saw he looked good 
• The sun was shining when I awoke this morning
• Palm Sunday blessings came to me through Facebook
• The Queen of England's speech buoyed my spirits (wish we had some politicians like her on this side of the pond)
• It was so good to hear the voices of some of my clients when I called them this week

The models indicate the next two weeks will be the toughest here in the United States. There are days a person might wonder how much more they can bear. I keep praying we all give one another a healthy dose of grace as we move about our daily lives.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:12-14

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #2

 

This has been a tough week. We learned about the COVID-19 outbreak at the Soldiers' Home in Holyoke after the first resident tested positive. Within a week's time, 11 veterans had passed away with 5 of them testing positive for COVID-19, 5 pending results, and 1 unknown. Suddenly, the place my father-in-law has called home for more than a year is under intense scrutiny by local, state and federal officials, and the lives of the residents and staff are in jeopardy. As of Thursday, 18 veterans had died, and 12 of them tested positive for COVID-19. Staff has also been affected and some have tested positive.

As we sit here awaiting the results of my father-in-law's test, we are thankful the nurses have been able to help us communicate with him via phone and over FaceTime. It has been three weeks since we've been able to visit him or take him out for dinner. I'm sure he is lonely. But, the nurses tell me he is still smiling. We can see the crinkling of his cheeks under the mask.

In the days ahead, there will be investigations. This situation has now become politicized. The mayor of Holyoke is saying the administration of the Soldiers' Home did not inform him in a timely fashion. Governor Baker's office is saying he didn't know about it until Mayor Morse told him. The superintendent for the Home has been placed on paid administrative leave and the National Guard has been brought in. The latest news is that an employee was reprimanded for wearing PPE the day before the first resident tested positive. No matter what the investigation uncovers, the Soldier's Home in Holyoke is going to have a lot of damage control to do to fix their tarnished reputation.

And, then, there are the families. Eighteen families have lost loved ones so far. How many more veterans' lives will be claimed as a result of this virus is unknown. Since we can't visit, we can only hope they are following all the protocols and doing their best to keep our loved ones safe. We have been fortunate to see how wonderful my father-in-law was treated on 3 North before he was moved to 4 West as a result of staff shortages when people fell ill (not necessarily of the virus, but they have been screening employees for weeks).

Let's talk about the staff for a moment. Every day they are going back into that building and caring for our loved ones despite the outbreak. God bless each and every one of them.

I pray you and your family are safe and healthy. Let's do our best to support each other in this time of need.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6