An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID 19 Diary #16 & Final

 

Here we are at the end of 2020. Hasn't it been a long road to get here? 

Our celebrations will look different. Who would ever think Times Square would be a ghost town on New Year's Eve? 

Our lives have been forever changed by this pandemic. By this time of the year, we all know someone who has or had COVID. Maybe we had COVID. Perhaps we have lost someone we love to COVID. 

Paul (hubby), Harry (father-in-law), & Steve (brother-in-law)

Some of us lost our jobs or closed our businesses. As I drove down Route 20 the other day, I saw a public auction sign in front of one of my favorite town restaurants on the water whose owners had to close down. How difficult that must have been for them. 

After one of the most contentious elections in my lifetime, claims of fraud, lawsuits, and even an expected challenge of the Electoral College results will define the most recent election cycle; leaving the American people the big losers in a political power struggle that has waged for decades. It seems forever ago that the politicians, who spend more time squabbling with each other than serving their constituents, stood shoulder to shoulder and sang "God Bless America." Oh, that they may find the desire to work together that they felt after the attacks on September 11, 2001. 

As we close the door on 2020, I ask you to join me in praying for this country and for people across the world. Let us pray that the leaders across the globe work toward peace. Let us pray love and kindness will reign in the new year. Let us pray we all lead with a servant's heart and help each other in times of need. Let us pray for health and happiness and healing. 

Wishing you a blessed New Year!

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #12

 

It's Independence Day in America. A sad day this year. So much of the focus is on what divides us. So many lives, actions, and happenings politicized for the benefit of one party or another. Add to that the many who have lost loved ones this year and are still not able to grieve normally or gather with family and friends due to the current circumstances. All this is so distancing.

When the Declaration of Independence was signed, not all parties agreed; yet they worked together for the common good. Maybe we should watch the movie Independence Day with Will Smith and Bill Pullman to remember we are better when we all pull together. That seems so silly to say, but we really need to give more attention to having compassion for each other, helping each other, and remembering how great America is.

We were blessed to be able to vacation this year, but even we are staying closer to the vacation home than in other years. When we go out, everyone has masks on. Some restaurants have not survived the pandemic or are working at reduced capacity per restrictions or with reduced hours because of travel restrictions leading to no international work staff. Think of how those international students who planned to spend their summers working here are feeling, too. What has this pandemic cost them?

As things open up, some states are experiencing new spikes in cases. An end to this situation seems far away. A vaccine trial has been delayed. Maybe a pause or a push back in re-opening is on the horizon.

I'm okay with adjusting to this new normal, but my heart yearns to see forgiveness, compassion, and peace reign. Little acts of kindness mean so much--like the car full of teenagers who paid $5 toward our Dairy Queen bill yesterday simply because I let them into the drive thru line. I pray we can move forward as a country to a better place.


Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

~ 1 Peter 3:8-9

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #11

 

Desperately seeking normal. That's my new name. I took the Lil' Diva and the Lil' Princess to the mall this week for summer clothes. How annoying!

• Anchor stores had limited or no access into the mall, so you had to go back outside and walk or drive around to get into the mall.
• Many stores are still closed.
• They must not be running the A/C in every store because I came close to passing out while standing in line waiting for one of two cashiers in the entire two-level JcPenny's to check out. I can only imagine how the cashiers must be feeling since they are wearing masks their entire shift. 
• You stand in line to get into many of the popular stores since they must limit the number of people in the store at a time.
• You can't try anything on, so I get to go back next week to return things that didn't fit.
• People are cranky.

The pandemic has frazzled everyone's nerves. Many are tired of the way things are. Add to this the social unrest across the country, and we are bound to be short with each other.

I pray we remember to give each other a bit of grace. I continue to pray we focus on what brings us together instead of what divides us. I pray for the future of our country and the future leaders of this country. We must stand together!

Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.
~ Titus 3:1-2

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #10

 

Life burbles along right now somewhere between normal and absolutely ridiculous. Breakneck speeds at work now that the delayed spring market has arrived. Still don't feel like going to the grocery store and wearing a mask everywhere doesn't make normal seem possible. Hearing plans for schools in the fall makes me glad my girls aren't little anymore. I'm not sure how they would cope with the changes. 

Historical monuments defaced or destroyed, calls to de-fund police, a band changing its name, and calls to remove TV shows and cartoons with police characters, make me wonder what world we are living in. 

No one can defend brutality.

No one can defend racism.

We can, however, continue to learn from the wrongs of the past and to seek justice in a peaceful way. We can respect each other no matter our differences. We can advocate for change without violence. 

What would we do if politicians stopped hurling insults?

What would we do if everyone accepted each other for who they are instead of trying to change them into what others thought they should be? 

How different would our world be if we could seek what brings us together instead of focusing on what pulls us apart? 

Though I am no longer Catholic, the Prayer of St. Francis always inspires me. I pray it inspires me to be a better person each day.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.



“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
—John 16:33

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #9

 

The author of Common Sense (Thomas Paine) opened his article, "The American Crisis" with these words:

These are the times that try men's souls...

For each of us living through the pandemic, that could mean something specific or shared. We all experience the isolation of closed schools and offices, only curbside pickup at many stores, and the inability to sit inside our favorite restaurant. Then came the riots. Weeks of isolation prior to the incident that sparked these awful riots didn't help. I pray for this world and for peace. 

Personally, the pandemic has meant the loss of my father-in-law to COVID-19 and the closing of one of my publishers affected by slowed book sales. One other sad moment, though not related to the pandemic, is our little country church going up for sale.

I knew it was coming, but as long as they didn't list it on MLS I could avoid thinking about it. The property went under contract in less than two weeks. That's no surprise considering the tight housing inventory. Our little church was a former barn, and it had a house where the pastor used to live. Both are now in disrepair considering how the current congregation neglected them after the original members left. 

Some of my favorite memories at that little church include: my wedding day, celebrating the in-laws' 60th wedding anniversary, renewing our vows after 15 years of marriage, the many years of vacation Bible school the girls attended, and the many nights crafting for the annual Christmas bazaar. Oh, how much love and money people dumped into that little church can't be counted.

The only thing that makes the loss even remotely tolerable is knowing the original congregation consisted mostly of middle-age folks and senior citizens. Within the next 10 years, it would probably have closed, anyway.

This might sound trite, but in these things--the pandemic, the rioting, losing my father-in-law and our little church on the hill--God is present. He provides strength. He provides comfort. He will bring about justice--now or later. One can't always understand His ways. I sure don't. 

• Why did over 100,000 people have to die so far? How many more will we lose?
• Why has the burden on parents increased by adding balancing homeschooling on top of providing for their families?
• Why did the tragic death of George Floyd and others need to turn into an additional loss of life and property?
• Why was a faithful group of believers separated from their place of worship?

There are days the answers to these and other questions require more than human understanding. Yes, we are living in trying times, but we can make a difference. We can work together to bring about solutions. We can pray for our country, its leaders, and those around the world. We can learn how to live a "you-first" life in a "me-first" world. 

Each day, I try to be a better person. Some days I succeed. Other days, I fail so desperately I'm sure no hope exists for me. In the end, there is only one thing I know: Jesus purchased salvation for me no matter how unworthy I am. It is the salvation available to every one of us if we want it. 

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
~ Ephesians 2:8-9 (ESV)

But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim); because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
~Romans 10: 8-13 (ESV)

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #8

 

A whirlwind of emotions this week. We heard the investigation into the COVID-19 outbreak at the Soldiers' Home in Holyoke is wrapping up soon. Will the families get answers? Probably not ones we can trust. The attorney for the superintendent that was placed on paid leave because of this fiasco held a press conference this week. He pointed the finger at the state. Well, the state officials have been pointing their fingers in his direction, claiming they weren't informed of the situation. 

Sometimes it feels like it's all a game to everyone except the families who have suffered as a result. Lawyers and politicians have no idea what we've gone through. Nothing will bring my father-in-law back. No investigation will change what happened. But, change is necessary to protect the remaining and future residents of the Soldiers' Home. So, the families continue to keep the story out there in the media. We continue to share memories of our loved ones. We continue to try to find a way to contribute and make a difference.

This week, I spoke to a woman whose father befriended my father-in-law. They had a group of eight guys hanging out, sharing stories, and enjoying one another's company. Five are gone now. What must it be like for those who remain? What must it be like for the staff that remains? I shuddered to think of it. 

I'm eager to hear they are open to visitors again. There are people I want to see and veterans who I would like to spend time with. We all must heal together. 

The good thing is that going back to work has helped a bit. I'm also writing some. If my mind stays busy, the darkness can't take over. I opened my Bible app today to Psalm 55:22: Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Oh, I needed to hear that today. If I were a better Christian, the darkness would be drowned out by the light. If I spent more time in prayer, my frustration would subside. I am reading the Word, but definitely not enough. In some ways, I feel unworthy, since I should immediately flock to the comfort of the Word in times of trouble. Why haven't I spent the long nights when I struggle to sleep reading my Bible? 

Brighter days are coming. They might not come easy, but they will come. I feel it will be easier once I find a new church. That needs to be a focus once life returns to some form of normal. I miss singing. I miss fellowship. I miss that time dedicated solely to something to refresh my soul. 

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #6

 

Yesterday, we drove in a parade in support of one of our neighbors who has Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. This is her second battle with the disease, and we know she is in for a tough fight. Most of the neighbors gathered on the street, but since we were are still isolating ourselves we felt it best to drive in our car. What a wonderful outpouring of support for this woman. She is so loved by our community. I hope all the well-wishers lifted her spirits as she travels to Boston to start an aggressive treatment plan for the next month. 

Our lives are returning to some semblance of normal--the new normal anyway. Governor Baker extended the closure of non-essential businesses yesterday from May 4 until May 18. Not unexpected, but another reminder that the world as we know it has been changed by a foe that has already taken too many lives.

The Baker Administration has also put together a group responsible for formulating a plan to get the state economy going again. I am on the fence about this. Part of me realizes that there are families suffering because breadwinners are out of work and they need relief. There is also the tiny part of me who feels like the government's interference in private businesses is wrong and sets a dangerous precedent we might never come back from ever again. Those parts are overridden by having seen how devastating this virus can be. 

Now, one could argue: your father-in-law was old and had preexisting conditions. While that is true, those who cared for him always said he was one of their healthiest residents. I've also had friends who have had the virus. I've seen what this thing does. It's scary. 

We will get through this. We will, hopefully, learn from it. Hopefully, we will be better people after all this is over because this dreadful virus doesn't care what your social class is, what race you are, or how you identify yourself. It doesn't discriminate. We are all susceptible to it. 

God, please wipe out this horrible virus and heal our world. 

Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed;
save me and I will be saved,
for you are the one I praise.

~ Jeremiah 17:14

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #5

 

This has been a trying week. Last Thursday (April 16), when we FaceTimed my father-in-law, I noticed a change in him. He wasn't talking much and appeared confused. Since he mentioned to me the previous week he always seemed hungry, I thought he might be hypoglycemic. So, I contacted the Soldiers' Home.

The next day, my brother-in-law FaceTimed him and told me he seemed the same--said a word or two, but not communicating (out of it). I called the Soldiers' Home again. On Saturday, I had a long conversation with the person covering for the doctor. All his vitals were good and he was eating breakfast, but they would test him again for COVID-19 as a precaution. I felt a glimmer of hope that he just experienced a bad day or two.

As we sat down to Easter dinner Sunday afternoon (we celebrate Orthodox Easter too), we received the dreaded phone call no family wants--he is in distress. They could keep him comfortable at the Soldiers' Home or send him to the hospital. We opted for the hospital.

After not much sleep Sunday night, the phone rang Monday morning. The message held more bad news. If we wanted to see Harry, we better come now.

The man I have always joked has nine lives, left us Monday night. Having now seen how dreadful this virus is and how it ravages the body in ways I couldn't imagine, it reinforces my decision to isolate ourselves as much as possible.

We are devastated at the unexpected loss of a man who meant the world to us. To add to our grief, we couldn't invite family or friends to share in today's funeral service. A man who was so well-loved deserved better. That room would have been filled with people under normal circumstances.

I'm tired of navigating this new normal. I couldn't even hug my mother-in-law today, because now that it has been confirmed Harry died of COVID-19, my husband and I have been exposed. Though totally suited up in all kinds of PPE when we visited him in the hospital, we must protect our loved ones. I wouldn't give up that short time we had with Harry before he passed, but I don't even want to go out to the grocery store or pick up take out for the next 14 days.

When we picked up Harry's belongings from the Soldiers' Home yesterday, we got a bunch of boxes of stuff packed up by the National Guard. We had to sift through those belongings and sign some form stating we had everything. Do we really? I don't know. It seems ridiculous they wanted me to riffle through the belongings of a man who had the virus. But, it's nice of them to give you some silly piece of paper telling you how to handle that possibly contaminated stuff once you get it home (don't think they need more liability right now).

My father-in-law was the 63rd resident of the Soldiers' Home in Holyoke to die of COVID-19. As of today, that number is up to 73. When will it end?

The only way in which I can process this loss of life is to know that these veterans are no longer held hostage by the confines of an earthly body. There is no more sorrow and no more pain for them. The Parkinson's disease that left Harry unable to walk or write and impacted his ability to speak no longer plagues him. He is free from the pain of arthritis. He celebrates now with his father and mother and other friends and family who have gone before him. And, I am confident we will meet again one day.


“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” - John 14:1-3

Task it Tuesday - Apr 20

Originally created by The Geeky Blogger, Task it Tuesday is a weekly meme to help you--and me--get things done. The challenge is to post a task or list of tasks you want to complete before next Tuesday. These tasks can help you with your blogging life, reading life, personal or professional life.

The last Task It Tuesday I posted appeared on March 4. Part of me feels guilty. But, after the day I had, I honestly don't care.

How does one say goodbye to a man who has been more like a father than your biological one? How does one wait at home for the bad news while your father-in-law struggles to breathe simply because COVID-19 protocols say you only have one 30-minute visit before you have to leave your loved one behind to suffer alone? How do you keep the sadness and anger at bay so you can better support your husband and children in their time of need?

This is a strange and cruel world we live in right now. It takes all my faith and a mountain of prayer for me to go on about my day without throwing something at the wall. I never know when I will start crying.

So, for Task it Tuesday, I am giving myself only two tasks this week:

1. Spend more time in the Word.
2. Write my father-in-law's obituary.

Please hold your loved ones close. Don't miss a chance to tell them you love them. 

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #3

 

Looking for blessings through this COIVD-19 mess. Here are a few:

• Father-in-law tested negative at this time
• 159 others at the Soldiers' Home also tested negative
• I FaceTimed my father-in-law on Thursday and saw he looked good 
• The sun was shining when I awoke this morning
• Palm Sunday blessings came to me through Facebook
• The Queen of England's speech buoyed my spirits (wish we had some politicians like her on this side of the pond)
• It was so good to hear the voices of some of my clients when I called them this week

The models indicate the next two weeks will be the toughest here in the United States. There are days a person might wonder how much more they can bear. I keep praying we all give one another a healthy dose of grace as we move about our daily lives.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:12-14

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #2

 

This has been a tough week. We learned about the COVID-19 outbreak at the Soldiers' Home in Holyoke after the first resident tested positive. Within a week's time, 11 veterans had passed away with 5 of them testing positive for COVID-19, 5 pending results, and 1 unknown. Suddenly, the place my father-in-law has called home for more than a year is under intense scrutiny by local, state and federal officials, and the lives of the residents and staff are in jeopardy. As of Thursday, 18 veterans had died, and 12 of them tested positive for COVID-19. Staff has also been affected and some have tested positive.

As we sit here awaiting the results of my father-in-law's test, we are thankful the nurses have been able to help us communicate with him via phone and over FaceTime. It has been three weeks since we've been able to visit him or take him out for dinner. I'm sure he is lonely. But, the nurses tell me he is still smiling. We can see the crinkling of his cheeks under the mask.

In the days ahead, there will be investigations. This situation has now become politicized. The mayor of Holyoke is saying the administration of the Soldiers' Home did not inform him in a timely fashion. Governor Baker's office is saying he didn't know about it until Mayor Morse told him. The superintendent for the Home has been placed on paid administrative leave and the National Guard has been brought in. The latest news is that an employee was reprimanded for wearing PPE the day before the first resident tested positive. No matter what the investigation uncovers, the Soldier's Home in Holyoke is going to have a lot of damage control to do to fix their tarnished reputation.

And, then, there are the families. Eighteen families have lost loved ones so far. How many more veterans' lives will be claimed as a result of this virus is unknown. Since we can't visit, we can only hope they are following all the protocols and doing their best to keep our loved ones safe. We have been fortunate to see how wonderful my father-in-law was treated on 3 North before he was moved to 4 West as a result of staff shortages when people fell ill (not necessarily of the virus, but they have been screening employees for weeks).

Let's talk about the staff for a moment. Every day they are going back into that building and caring for our loved ones despite the outbreak. God bless each and every one of them.

I pray you and your family are safe and healthy. Let's do our best to support each other in this time of need.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary

 

Since last Monday, the lives of Massachusetts residents and others across the nation have drastically changed. We heard about COVID-19 across the ocean, but until it hit home it was just something going on in other areas of the world.

Now, states, cities, and towns across the nation shut down regular businesses we took for granted would be open whenever we wanted them. We aren't free to eat, celebrate, or worship in the ways we always have. We are distanced from family, friends, and colleagues. The regular schedules that regulate our daily activities are interrupted by closed schools, cancelled sports, and working from home.

For me, this pandemic has meant a shift in work practices. As an asthma sufferer, I've been careful about any unnecessary exposure. Yes, I am still showing homes, but I don't go out as often. Meetings are all by Zoom or GoToMeeting. For some agents it is business as usual--unless Governor Baker says differently. I simply can't do that, because bronchitis is tough enough on me; never mind this COVID-19 stuff. Staying positive has been challenging, but spending time in the Word and in prayer helps. So does trying to be a source of inspiration for others.

In the early days of the pandemic, I began sharing news on Facebook to help spread information. The last two days I have switched gears. People are tired of news. They are tired of updates. They want to be inspired. They want to be uplifted. They want to know they aren't alone. So, no more links to videos with the latest from the Baker administration or news updates. People can find that stuff if they want it.

Two recent blog posts:

Inspiration During a Crisis (for writers, but others might find it helpful for productivity)

Ten Books to Inspire and Uplift You

I am working to make this blog a more uplifting place to visit. Maybe weekly inspirational quotes. Please know I am keeping all of you up in prayer.


Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10