Just in time for Mother's Day comes this inspiring story of Rachel Marie Martin, who fought back fear and tossed aside the masks she hid behind to find her true self and charge boldly into the future.
The Brave Art of Motherhoodis one mother's story, but as you read it, you realize it could be any mother's story. You get caught up in the daily demands of parenting and one day discover your dreams are gone and you're hiding behind this carefully plotted out ideal of what you want people to think about your life.
Motherhood is tough. It can be messy. But, as Martin reminds her readers, when you decide to rediscover your true self, you will be happier and so will your family.
This book touched me in many ways. I had already begun to dig myself out a bit from all those years of mothering when I forgot I existed. That probably sounds harsher than I mean for it to come across, but it's so true that you become someone's wife and someone's mother or someone's something else, but lose part of your identity as you move through life. It can be a challenge to find yourself again, but The Brave Art of Motherhood will be helpful in accomplishing that goal.
Rachel Marie Martin believes in the power of the human spirit to overcome, to thrive and to find deep joy and because of that she pours out her heart via these platforms: she is the writer behind the site FindingJoy.net, partner of BloggingConcentrated.com, co-host of the Amplify Podcast, and a featured writer for The Huffington Post. Her top blog post, "Why Being a Mom is Enough" has surpassed 1.9 million Facebook likes and she has had her articles translated into over 25 languages. Her site reaches millions of visitors and has a robust, engaged Facebook community. Her articles have been featured in The Huffington Post, iVillage, The Today Show, Star Tribune, iVillage, Stuff New Zealand, PopSugar, Parents, What to Expect, Mamalode, NBC Parents, Dr. Greene, and many more. Her first book, "The Brave Art of Motherhood", published by Penguin Random House, was released on October 9, 2018. She speaks worldwide about a variety of empowering topics ranging from motherhood to social media marketing to website strategy to writing to creating an authentic community. She believes in living each day intentionally and loves working with others to cultivate a vision, realize their potential and see their dreams become a reality.
We are from St. Michael, a suburb of Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota. We moved to Nashville just over two years ago. My folks were church planters, among other things, and are retired now. My extended family still lives in Minnesota, but have grown to love having family in the South to visit during the long winters. The lack of snow been quite a change for the kids, but they have acclimated and look forward to school getting cancelled for the tiniest of reasons.
When did you begin writing?
I’ve always been drawn to computers. I have a memory of my dad purchasing a TI99 desktop computer and teaching me to code. Fast forward to college years and the AOL floppy disk to Yahoo! Groups to the start of blogging. The internet has always been a place for me to connect and became a vessel for my thoughts and words. As stated above, I started writing Finding Joy just about ten years ago. In the beginning, it was a bit of a hobby, but as time went on and it began to grow I gradually made the pivot from hobby to career. And honestly, for the last six years, this has been my full time job for myself, my partner Dan, as well as several others who are part of our team.
What is this book about?
Your heart matters and it’s easy to forget yourself in the middle of motherhood and think that “I’ll take care of myself” tomorrow. But life is short and there is no greater gift to yourself, your family and your friends when you are brave and fight for your heart, purpose and happiness again.
How is it similar to other books in its genre? How is it different?
Well, I think it’s similar in the fact that most motherhood books embrace how much motherhood matters. I can’t think of one book that would ever negate that universal truth. I would say that it differs in the way that it’s not about motherhood as in making a better pot roast or organizing, but is rather about your own heart in the midst of motherhood. It’s a reminder of strength and bravery and is the friend in the motherhood ring with you believing in all you can do and showing you what you have already done.
What is the most important thing readers can learn from your book?
You are a given a choice every day - wait to live fully or dare to live fully - and when you decided that every single day is a gift the decision to fight for that day becomes easy.
What is up next for you? Finding Joy is a full-time job and I’m grateful that it’s my life. I will continue writing and continue developing programs that motivate and inspire. I’m hopeful to also continue to speak, to write another book when the opportunity presents, and to start a podcast.
“Filled with grace, hope, and practical ways forward for every momma.” — Candace Cameron Bure, actress and New York Times bestselling author
Most days motherhood often looks like bottomless piles of laundry; a sink full of dishes; sleepless nights; and unshowered, nonstop, endless days. If that’s all there is, then no wonder “Grumpy Mom” sometimes sneaks into your heart and home.
If you can relate, you’re in good company—Valerie Woerner gets it and has experienced Grumpy Mom more often than she’d care to admit. In Grumpy Mom Takes a Holiday, Valerie shares what she’s learned so far about sending Grumpy Mom packing and embracing a joyful, intentional motherhood that is so much better than you thought possible.
As you journey with Valerie, you’ll be inspired and equipped to find energy in the most unlikely places, pursue your own dreams, be set free from mom guilt, feel content despite unfinished to-do lists, spend purposeful time with God amid the daily chaos, and discover more joyous moments of motherhood.
So, take a holiday from Grumpy Mom, and enjoy life as the mom God made you to be.
Bookish (and not so Bookish) Thoughts is hosted by Bookishly Boisterous. This is a chance for book bloggers to dabble in areas besides books (but those are welcome too). Share your plans for the weekend, a rant on people not using their turn signals in parking lots, or your love of Sunday morning mimosas.
Started a new devotional and I love it. It is long overdue. Even the first few pages made me feel better and refocused.
I am so tired of working all the time. Thought I might get the weekend off and then realized there is no way I can take Saturday off. I hope Sunday will be dedicated to my garden, but it's not looking likely.
Do you ever wonder why bullies exist? Well, we know they exist because we live in a fallen world and Lucifer is the master bully. But other than that, don't you just wonder how kids can be so mean to other kids and how it's possible some people are always pushing others around? Why can't we all play nice?
Missed writing group this week. I'm bummed. I'll plan to go next month if I can.
Have you ever taken a bet for what age your kid will be before she starts listening to you?
FAMILY TIME IS NUMBER-ONE AS MILLENNIAL PARENTS GET READY FOR THE HOLIDAY, ACCORDING TO SURVEY FROM PBS KIDS
Millennial parents want a simpler season, with less shopping and more family fun
ARLINGTON, VA, December 4, 2014 – Fatigued by a myriad of "hot gift" lists, millennial parents say that fewer gifts and more family fun top their holiday wish lists, according to the Millennial Parent Holiday Survey from PBS KIDS, the results of which were released today. The survey of millennial parents (ages 18 – 33) found that 82% crave more family time and 80% want to spend more time playing with their kids this holiday season. Conversely, many of these younger parents want to dial back gift prep and shopping, with 37% saying they would like to spend less time shopping. Even more parents (45%) would like to spend less time assembling gifts.
Learning and Eco Factors Rank High
When millennial parents do go shopping, more than half (54%) say that “hot toy” or “hot gift” lists aren’t as important in the purchasing decision as other factors. Almost all millennial parents (97%) want to buy their children gifts that will stand the test of time and toys that provide learning opportunities (another 97%). That’s especially true for parents of toddlers and preschoolers (68% of parents of kids 2 – 6 compared to 58% of parents of kids 7 – 8), according to the Millennial Parent Holiday Survey. The eco factor is top of millennial parents’ minds, too, when selecting gifts for their children: 70% say it’s important to purchase eco-friendly toys, and 61% are more likely to purchase an eco-friendly toy this year than in holidays past.
Playful Family Holidays
Technology is a big part of entertaining children and staying organized during the holidays, but millennial parents, especially moms, are also looking to balance technology with a broader array of playful solutions. This includes a return to the basics of creative, open-ended play, to connect with their children in fun and meaningful ways1. Based on the survey, almost all of millennial parents (95%) think it is important to give their kids toys that the family can enjoy together. Millennial parents place high importance on playing with their children and actively participate in learning experiences, especially during the holidays.
Greener Dads
Interest in eco-friendly toys is even higher among dads, with 31% reporting that it is very important to purchase toys made from eco-friendly materials. This compares to 17% of moms who find it important. Dads are also more likely to purchase eco-friendly toys this year than in years past (74%), compared to 59% of moms.
Millennial Parents Get Cooking!
Along with spending more time with family, topping the list of activities millennial parents want to do more of this season are cooking/baking (69%).
"We learned from this survey that during the holidays parents value quality family time and educational resources for their kids,” said Lesli Rotenberg, General Manager, Children’s Programming, PBS. “At PBS KIDS we share these core values, and are dedicated to providing families with educational content and resources that they can enjoy together, not just during the holidays, but all year-long.”
Tips to Simplify the Holidays
The spirit of the holidays can sometimes get lost in the hectic holiday season. But there are easy ways for parents to help their family simplify and embrace the season, including these tips from PBS Parents:
Downscale holiday plans and expectations. Keep the focus on family, on meaningful traditions and simple activities that replenish rather than exhaust.
Ask your children what they most love about your family's holiday. You may be surprised by their answers.
Whether you're decorating, baking cookies, or making gifts for grandma, remember that the process is more important for your child than the outcome. Keep it simple, and you and your child will enjoy it more.
Create small special moments in every day. Go for a sledding adventure or a winter nature walk outside. Turn off every light in the house at dinner time, light candles, and invite everyone to be perfectly still and perfectly silent for a minute.
Celebrate the holidays as a season of giving and doing for others. Grab the kids and head next door to shovel an elderly neighbor's walkway; make Christmas cards together for the mail carrier; deliver soup to a friend with the flu and focus on gifts that give back. Watch as your children begin to discover the secret pleasure of small kindnesses, offered with love. PBS KIDS provides a unique solution for parents looking for presents with a purpose, offering a new line of sustainable toys in partnership with Whole Foods.
The 2014 PBS KIDS Parent Survey was conducted by Smarty Pants, November 14 - 17, 2014. A sampling of 500 US parents ages 18 – 33 with children ages 2-8, participated in the online survey.
About PBS KIDS PBS KIDS, the number one educational media brand for kids, offers all children the opportunity to explore new ideas and new worlds through television, online, mobile and community-based programs. Kidscreen- and Webby-award winning pbskids.org provides engaging interactive content, including the PBS KIDS video player, now offering free streaming video accessible on computer- and mobile-device-based browsers. For more information on specific PBS KIDS content supporting literacy, science, math and more, visit pbs.org/pressroom or follow PBS KIDS on Twitter and Facebook.
PBS KIDS® launched a new revolutionary app designed specifically for parents that will give them the “super power” to engage with their kids in the digital medium as never before: PBS KIDS Super Vision. The new, free app is a first-of-its-kind tool that parents can access conveniently from their mobile phones anytime, anywhere, to see what their kids are watching, playing and learning on pbskids.org, and help them make the most of their children’s PBS KIDS screen time.
With the PBS KIDS Super Vision App, now available on iPhone and iPod Touch, parents enter a simple code on their mobile device to start receiving:
• Real-time information on what their child is playing, watching and learning on pbskids.org; • The ability to remotely set a Play Timer from their mobile device that will put pbskids.org to sleep on their child’s screen, easing the transition from playing online to another activity, such as dinner time or bed time; • Related activities that they can do with their child off-screen to extend the fun and learning goals of the games or videos their child plays on pbskids.org; • An Activity Summary to view the top educational skills, shows, videos and games their child used on pbskids.org.
The PBS KIDS Super Vision App will mean peace of mind for parents, while their kids build key skills in the safe and educational environment that pbskids.org provides. The app works anytime, anywhere – the connection doesn’t require physical proximity – making it easy for busy parents to check in on their kids’ online activities while they are on the go.
I was recently sent a link to this “Parents Matter" infographic. I've lived life as a single parent and as a married stay-at-home mom. I remember the struggles of my former life and I certainly wouldn't like to relive them. Some of the statistics included below are shocking.
Sometimes the hardest thing for busy moms like me to remember is that in order to take care of our families, we need to take care of ourselves, too. Proper diet, exercise, and stress management are keys to staying healthy.
"Easy Ways for Busy Moms to Take Care of Themselves" discusses ways you can help your child recognize Mom has needs too, offers stress management tips, and encourages moms to involve their children in activities they enjoy.
I feel very blessed. The Lil' Diva is in that awkward adolescent stage. She's trapped in between wanting to grow up and sometimes still being a little kid. Her face is breaking out. She's got braces. Her body is developing into a woman and she's got a lot of changes going on all at once. But so far she is handling it well. She remains confident and secure in who she is.
One of the keys to making a successful transition from child to young adult is the ability to talk to your parents or guardians about everything that is happening. Having gone through it myself, I know it's not easy. Thankfully, the Lil' Diva and I have always been open with each other, even during those moments we don't like what the other person is saying.
"How to Talk to Pre-Teens About Having a Healthy Body Image" is a great article that helps you get the discussion going with your pre-teen. Boys and girls alike struggle with these issues and it's helpful to know you're not alone. One other thing I would add to this list is talking to your pre-teen about their friends. If they have friends who are always bringing them down, even if it's just teasing, that can hamper your son or daughter developing a healthy body image.
Life is busy. Each day, I swear we are running from one thing to the next. Even though summer is usually less structured and crazy, so far this year it has been anything but. Despite our hectic schedules, I want to make sure my kids are eating right and making healthy food choices when they are staying with friends.
It might surprise you that many foods and drinks we serve our kids are not as healthy as we think. In "10 Kids' Foods Considered Healthy That Aren't," you'll learn the facts about foods like peanut butter, breakfast cereals, granola bars, and more.
I don't often read parenting books. Everyone has their own way of doing things, and I don't think it's easy to fit your ideas into someone else's style. That said, there are some basic habits that can help you feel more secure in parenting and make for a more peaceful home.
"Ten Parenting Habits to Get Into" shares many of those basics. Offering choices, asking for help when needed, picking your battles, and not expecting perfection are ones we put into practice here a lot. It helps in a family that includes a strong-willed child.
What is a parenting habit you were glad to get into?
In case you’re wondering what it’s like to be the mother of a strong-willed child, let me give you a glimpse into the Lil Diva’s brain. Right before Christmas, she decided she would like to write a newsletter to share with her friends. Her first attempt was a sweet one that talked about how awesome her Christmases are and how she hoped they had an awesome Christmas, too.
Now that the holidays are over, I guess it is time to get down to brass tacks and share what’s on her mind. In the spirit of the television show Ned’s Declassified, the Lil Diva has come up with some tips to share with her friends. Here are the first three.
No More Chores for Kids
Nobody wants to do chores. So just say no to parents. It is a parent’s job to do the house work, NOT kids. So no more chores for kids, only adults.
Parents can’t tell you what to do
Parents are ALWAYS telling you what to do. Example: “Go get me that!” Or, “You have to go to what I am going to!” And, “Don’t eat that chocolate!” So, say no when parents tell you to do stuff.
Parents can’t take your stuff
Parents say, “If you don’t do this, I will confiscate this.” That is just STUPID. Just hide it. It is yours, not theirs.
Is it any wonder I started going gray after the Lil Diva was born?
In the movie The Matrix, the character Morpheus offers two pills to Neo—if he takes the blue pill, he will go on with life as he has before, believing what he has always believed. If he takes the red pill, he will find out what the “matrix” really is, and many of his earlier beliefs will be shattered. When it comes to taking a hard look at a specific set of beliefs about parenthood and reproduction that has driven our society for generations, The Baby Matrix is the red pill.
We commonly think our desire to have children boils down to our biological wiring, but author Laura Carroll says it’s much more than that. Unlike other books on parenthood, The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World takes a serious look at powerful social and cultural influences that drive the desire for the parenthood experience, and lays out why we need to be very aware of these influences to make the most informed decisions about parenthood.
The Baby Matrix looks at long-held beliefs about parenthood and reproduction, and unravels why we believe what we believe. It lays out:
-the historical origins of beliefs about parenthood and reproduction -why many of these beliefs no longer work for society or were never true in the first place -why we continue to believe them anyway -the prices society pays as a result
The Baby Matrix shows us how we got here, brings to light what is true, which includes knowing about the powerful influence of “pronatalism,” and explains why society can no longer afford to leave pronatalism unquestioned.
“This is not a book about convincing people not to have children,” says Carroll. “I want people to be very aware of the long-held social and cultural pressures, and be able to free themselves from those pressures when making parenthood choices. This will result in more people making the best decisions for themselves, will foster a society in which those who are best suited to become parents are the ones who have children and one that knows what it means to bring a child into the world today.”
This book will make you examine your own intentions and beliefs, will rile you, and might just change your mind. Whether you are already a parent, want to become a parent, are still making up your mind, or know you don’t want children, you’ll never think about parenthood in the same way. The Baby Matrix is a must-read for anyone interested in psychology, sociology, anthropology, parenting issues, environmentalism, and social justice. But most of all, it’s for anyone, parent or not, who reveres the truth and wants the best for themselves, their families, and our world.
Pronatalism andThe Motherhood Decision by Laura Carroll
The decision to become parents is one of the biggest decisions we make in life.For many people, the decision does not come without its uncertainties. Here’s a story of a woman, Nina Jacinto, who struggling with her uncertainly about becoming a mother. From her article, “Loving So Much It Hurts: Why I’m Not Sure I Can Be a Mom:”
It’s the ‘loving so much it hurts’ that makes me want to scream and run away from the land of mamas. Caring for someone with all your heart that way requires a tremendous amount of trust in oneself, and even more vulnerability. Opening up our heart to love, and letting in everything that comes with it — happiness, sadness, fear, intimacy, risk, compassion sounds… terrifying. I struggle with this already as a daughter, as a person in a committed romantic relationship. I feel this way as a best friend. How can I take this on as a mother? The insecure and scared person inside me who has experienced and remains afraid of loss says, "What if I can’t handle it?"
If she decides she can’t handle it, that Should Be OK. She seems to be beating herself up for fearing she is not “ready” or does not have what it takes to be a mom.
Pronatalism, what the book The Baby Matrix explores in depth, includes the idea that a) there comes a time when we should all be ready to become parents, and b) there’s a strong connection between the ability to give birth and the ability to parent. Not only is a) not true, b) is a myth.
If she comes to the conclusion that motherhood is not something she has the ability to take on, she need not feel badly about this. If we lived in a society that did not unquestionably believe that parenthood should be the central focus of our adult lives, she would not have to be hard on herself for this choice.
But she does say that she thinks she wants to be a mom one day. So what could help her get beyond her anxieties and feel she has the abilities she needs to raise kids well? Living in a society that treats parenthood as a “privileged” right, where everyone is required to get solid education about parenthood before they become parents, including having to think through why they want to become parents (because it is not everyone’s biological destiny, as the The Baby Matrix also dissects), learning the skill sets that parenting requires, assessing whether they have those skill sets and what skills they need to acquire before becoming parents.
Like any other “job” parenting requires certain aptitudes, certain “components of capability.” What if our society required adult parenthood programs to help people really examine whether parenthood is right for them, and if it is, help them prepare for it? If we did, people like Ms. Jacinto would have a place to go to explore her feelings, and get what she needs in order for her to be able to confidently say, “I can handle it,” or decide that parenthood is not right for her, and make this decision without self-judgment, or judgment from society.
In addition to writing nonfiction books, she has worked over the last 15 years as a business and litigation psychology consultant and used her expertise in behavioral sciences, psychology, and communications to advise business, legal, and nonprofit professionals on their communications strategies and goals.
Laura is a seasoned leader of personal and professional development seminars, and has appeared on a variety of television shows, including Good Morning America and The Early Show. She has been a guest on many radio talk shows to discuss social science topics.
