From an engagement to a cross-country trip in just ten weeks? And with no experience in bicycle touring—or marriage? While Tim left behind a 26-year corporate career and familiar surroundings, Debbie was about to enter a “classroom” she hadn’t seen in her 24 years of teaching. Was it a grand getaway or a big mistake?
Shared Passions Enhance Marriage
By Debbie Bishop
Passion, the very word involves sharing. We don’t want to be passionate about cooking, and eat alone. We don’t want to be passionate about having a beautifully decorated house and garden if no one comes to visit. We don’t want to be passionate about a sport and go it alone all the time. The very nature of passion calls for it to be a shared and enjoyable endeavor.
Passion in marriage takes many forms. We are passionate about raising our children to be responsible and kind (along with well behaved). We are passionate about having a great marriage. We are passionate about our goals and dreams. And, of course, a husband and a wife share a passion for each other that includes intimacy and friendship. We get in trouble when our more intimate passions overflow the banks of our marriage and spill out beyond matrimonial boundaries. But when shared passion is planted in marriage, marital bliss blossoms.
Tim and I initially met because we shared a passion for bicycling. When we met for our first bike ride, neither of us thought that a passion for bicycling would lead to marriage…and it didn’t! God led us to marriage, and we get to enjoy bicycling together as a pleasurable perk along with some other shared passions.
So, how does bicycling enhance our marriage? Let me count the ways.
1. Bicycling has given us a road to travel on together. So many memories and pictures run through our mind from our bike trips. So many lessons learned on the road apply to our marriage on a daily basis. Those lessons help us navigate the rocky road when conflicts arise. When I look back to my past mistakes before marriage, I think of one lesson in particular that I learned on the road: I can’t ride my bike in reverse. I must always move forward. That lesson helps me keep the past in the past! On my bike helmet, I have a very small mirror that helps me see what is behind me, a mini-rearview mirror. This is for safety purposes only. I spend most of my bike riding time looking forward, seeing the beauty ahead and to the sides. That seems like a good way to live– looking onward, not backward.
2. Bicycling together keeps us connected. People think we are crazy when they learn we took off for a long-distance bike tour only two weeks after we were married for the first time at age 52. Recently, a radio interviewer could not believe that we spent so much time together with no other distractions or people in our immediate circle of influence. It was just the two of us, 24/7, for 63 straight days. That is a lot of together time even though we were newlyweds. We were introduced to “for better or worse” early in our marriage while on the road! But the lessons we learned are ones we ponder daily: simplify, live by faith, God gives good gifts, and two are better than one. Keeping those lessons in mind every day makes for a good and godly marriage.
3. Bicycling has worked us into great shape. I remember coming back from our first bike tour tanned and strong at 52 years old. My legs and the rest of me felt firm and sexy. Carrying a heavy load on the bicycle resulted in a lighter load on my frame upon returning home. It feels scrumptious when Tim wraps his arms around me. Feeling better about my body and the shape I am in enhances the passion I want to express with my husband. Physical strength helps women feel more confident about their bodies.
4. Bicycling teaches us the importance of balance in our lives. If we keep on pedaling, we are not going to fall off our bikes. That is an important lesson in marriage too. Two wheels and proper balance are necessary to ride a bike. Sometimes we need training wheels before we find our own balance. Asking for advice from friends, mentors, or counselors can help, but eventually it is up to the two of us to find the balance in our marriage—the balance between work and play, spending and saving, solitude and togetherness, harmony and conflict.
5. Bicycling allows us to express our uniqueness, yet do it together. Our riding styles are quite different. They reflect our personalities. I like to go fast and speed down hills at breakneck speed (I hardly ever replace my brake pads); Tim likes the slow and steady ride through wide open spaces and sparse traffic. I like to just go out and ride, and figure out my route as I go. Tim likes keeping track of routes, mileage, average speed, and heart rate. On our bike trip, thankfully, he was the navigator. And once in a while he agrees to take unexplored routes around our area (and he’s still there to help get us back home!). We both prefer riding together—in part because of what we each bring to the endeavor. We both add strength to our marriage by embracing and appreciating our different personalities. Two complementary halves come together to make a better whole.
Passion for bicycling has enhanced our marriage. Accepting how each of us expresses our passion is something we have learned in our short married life. We’ve learned to reel in unrealistic expectations because they can wreck havoc on our relationship, just as going for a bike ride with overinflated tires can lead to an untimely blowout! You’d rather have checked the gauge before you started.
Marriage is a journey. It’s been the best ride ever because I am riding with my passionate partner for a lifetime of love. If you’re married, I encourage you to identify the passions that you share with your spouse and ride them for all you can. If you can’t identify a common passion, find one. If you’re not yet married, but want to be, realize that finding a spouse with a strong common interest can springboard you into your ultimate bonding experience. It’s a facet of your relationship that will become a joint treasure and lead you to deeper destinations as you journey through life together.
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About the authors:
Tim Bishop
Originally from Maine, Tim Bishop has over thirty years of experience in business, first as a CPA, then for many years in various roles in the corporate world. In addition to consulting for small businesses, Tim serves as a Hope Coach for TheHopeLine, a nonprofit organization that seeks to reach, rescue, and restore hurting teens and young adults.
Debbie Bishop has taught for over twenty-five years, for the past ten years as a literacy specialist in Framingham, Massachusetts. She has a passion for reading and seeing that young people do it well. She also has high interest in recovery issues and encouraging others with her own triumphs over struggles earlier in her life. Debbie also serves as a Hope Coach for TheHopeLine.
Visit the authors online at www.openroadpress.com.
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