Let’s Start Talking About It by Debra Whittam, Author of Am I Going To Be Okay? Weathering the Storms of Mental Illness, Addiction and Grief

Title: Am I Going To Be Okay? Weathering the Storms of Mental Illness, Addiction and Grief

Author: Debra Whittam

Publisher: Turning Point International

Pages: 253

Genre: Memoir/Women’s Psychology/Applied Psychology

Am I Going To Be Okay? is an American story with a universal message. Ms. Whittam traces her history in the form of stories about her all too human, and sometimes unhinged family; she throws a rope to the little girl living there, and in adulthood, is able to pull her out to safety, bit by bit.

For More Information

• Am I Going To Be Okay? Weathering the Storms of Mental Illness, Addiction and Grief is available at Amazon.
• Pick up your copy at Barnes & Noble.
• Discuss this book at PUYB Virtual Book Club at Goodreads.

Let's Start Talking About it by Debra Whittam

I am a first time author so, let’s starting talking about the two questions I am asked most often by nearly everyone concerning my having written a memoir/self-help book.  “How long did it take you to write the book?” and “Aren’t you worried about what family members will think?”

Really?  Are these questions that pertain to the author?  I think not.  What I sense is the people asking are only interested in the answer to see if THEY could do it.  So, let’s talk about this. 

How long did it take to write?  I wrote, on and off, for about three years.  The most difficult part was the edit, of course.  What I thought was going to be an easy, fairly simple week or two process to get my “shitty first draft,” as Anne LaMott calls it, to a final proof copy actually took six months.  Good thing my editor knew how to handle my impatience since she told me we would start going from the first draft to revisions.

Well, after the sixth ‘first’ draft I wanted to say ‘I’m done.’  But just in the nick of time she announced we were on to the revisions.  Ah yes, now we were getting somewhere!

After the revisions to the revisions, many times over, we moved on to the changes to the revisions.  We were now in month three.  Too late to turn back, yet, I hated the thought of reading one more word of what was once a beloved manuscript to me.  

Then, of course, we went from the changes to the changes to the changes.  Then finally, my friends, we were at the final manuscript!  Yea!  What joy. What bliss.  At final manuscript twelve I rebelled and said ‘NO!” 

This was just in time for the Final Proof copy.  The galley or advanced reader copy as it’s called.  Great.  After three final proof copies we have now officially gone to print! 

Oh my gosh.  How do people do this for a living?! 

So, do you see how my answering, to the unknowing questioner--it took three years to write the book--leaves me weak in the knees.  It’s not about me or what I went through. For heaven’s sake (!), it’s about them.  Of course it is. 

Question number two is more lengthy to explain, however, equally uninteresting to the one with the query.  Are they still listening as I explain that my first writing workshop was with Carol Henderson in Little Switzerland, NC where she explained to any of us thinking about writing creative non-fiction, memoir, to write as though everyone in the story has already died.  Or don’t do it at all.  That was a heady first bit of information for me as I already was sure I was the only who did not belong at the workshop.  I’m was a pretend ‘wanna be’ writer while everyone else was serious about it, better at it, etc. 

However, through the next three years of writing, I kept that thought firmly in the forefront of my mind as I traveled the road of writing; what I remembered, my perception of the things I saw, heard and how I was treated from littlehood onward.  

Is there any possibility that a family member will agree with my experience being true for them?  If, as they say, accuracy is based on perception, then every sibling in the same car having the same horrifying experience of riding with our drunk father at high rates of speed will invariably not have the same or even similar experiences as I did.  

We all have our own examples of being at the same dining room table with all the siblings and have a different narrative of what happened when someone spilled milk, triggering a major brawl which in turn lead to yelling, crying and sometimes people coming to blows.   

So do I answer to these random people, who I don’t even know, “Well, I can’t go to each person to make sure they are okay with it because blah, blah, blah.”   The person is already not listening.  No sibling, aunt, uncle, cousin would agree with what I had as my experience.  Parents would absolutely not agree.  So who ends up being the crazy one here?  And, how does anyone begin and end writing their memoir/ creative non-fiction narrative if they are, indeed, a Pleaser. 

Was and am I concerned with telling family stories that were always meant to be kept secret?  The point of my book is to see how insane it is to NOT talk about family member’s mental illness, their addictions, and the loss of a beloved through death or a relationship.  The impact on everyone in the family, especially the little ones watching the adults act like little monsters, is what creates the beginnings of chronic ‘IV drip’ of anxieties where little ones are sure of one of two things: either they did something wrong or there’s something wrong with them.  Those are the choices.  Silence and denial run the show and eventually become deadly in one form or another. 

So, my dear person with the questions, yes I considered everyone in the story.  Alive and not alive.  My experience is my truth.  If someone could have been in my shoes, at the same time, with the same experience, there might be a chance for some convergence of truth.  Doubt it, but maybe.  This memoir is a story of my life with my mom, entire family, but mainly her from my birth until her death, interwoven with the untreated mental illness, untreated addiction and unacknowledged grief that flows through everyone’s family tree.  We just don’t talk about it.  Any of it.  Until, of course, on someone’s death bed they sob out some essential bit of information that would’ve made everyone’s life different had they known it was NOT their fault.  Whatever ‘it' is. 

Answering these lame questions will become habit down the road and I will say, “Three years and, yes, I considered everyone.”  Let’s keep talking about it.

Debra Whittam is a licensed, practicing mental health therapist in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, who specializes in addiction, anxiety and depression, grief and loss. Whittam is passionate about her work in all areas of her specialties, especially addiction. Working in a detox unit for over three years before beginning her own private practice, Whittam realized, while counseling patients in the life and death arena of the detox unit, how much the loss of a beloved through death or a relationship impacted those struggling with addiction.

In this memoir, Whittam skillfully infuses her memories, stories and professional insights to remind us that the most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves. She splits her time between Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, the Adirondack Mountains in upstate New York and Paris, France. Am I Going To Be Okay? Weathering the Storms of Mental Illness, Addiction and Grief is her first book. 

• Visit Debra Whittam’s website.
• Connect with Debra on Facebook and Twitter.

Silk Flowers Never Die by Stella Mazzucchelli

Silk Flowers Never Die is an important and intensely personal memoir, powerfully showing with humanity and humor, the difficulties that exist for any family trying to cope with schizophrenia and mental distress. In a compelling story that reveals how much stranger than fiction fact is, Stella Mazzucchelli describes her determination to preserve her son from the worst effects of mental illness, while his young wife is dying of cancer.

In the process of trying to rise to these challenges, Stella is transformed from a beautiful, over-protected Society woman with alcohol issues, to an impressive, courageous earth-mother who now campaigns to reduce the stigma attached to mental illness by using her privileged position to positive effect. This moving book is informative on a host of subjects, ranging from the lifestyle of the International Super-Rich to the profundities of facing terminal illness and mental disease. Due to its intelligence, insight, and compassion the appeal of this amazing story and struggle should be universal.

Sharing My Story by Stella Mazzucchelli

The advantages and challenges of sharing my story are that I am dealing with emotions and weaknesses that are wide spread such as mental illness, cancer and alcohol abuse.

My book has given me the thumbs up to reveal to the world that my son has schizophrenia without beating around the bush when asked 'What does your son do for a living?' Like a race horse bursting through the starting gate I now feel free to pronounce the word schizophrenia without hesitation. I almost have to refrain a smile while waiting a reaction which usually is hidden shock, followed by admiration for my honesty and then curiosity.

The first question I am asked by those who are fortunate enough not to have had first hand experience, is 'What are the symptoms?' They obviously have no idea except what they have heard through the media which is very likely to do with some massacre or other. Being their only source of information, they live with the impression that all schizophrenics might rip there throat at the drop of a hat. The words come gushing out as I preach a condensed lecture on the subject, not stopping until I have managed to wipe away the fear and witness an expression of compassion on their faces. I can assure you that it is not an easy task to undo the image of violence so ingrained in their vision and reassure them that most people who are suffering from mental issues are very talented and sensitive human beings.The only problem of course is that due to the 'stigma' we rarely hear about them, they are forced into a dark corner, silenced and alone.

The people who have lived with a loved one who is a sufferer, I always detect a sigh of relief as though a burden has lifted because they can open up and discuss their experience without having to whisper.

Alcohol dominated my life for many years. It caused me to make mistakes and choices that cause my hair to stand on end just recalling them. Through my writing I wanted to reach out to those people who feel that without the aid of this mind degenerating substance they are unable to confront life. I wanted them to realize that life without alcohol is possible. There is strength in each of us which might be buried so profoundly beneath layers of insecurity that we flap around like blind people ignoring its existence. If we just took time to stand still and search within ourselves we might grasp the root of our torment and crippled ego. Only then, can we start to raise our head and begin to move forward in a positive direction. We have to leave behind the role of 'victim' and start a new one, take off the tinted glasses and see the world for what it is, because it can be very beautiful if we only gave it a chance.
Cancer is a very difficult subject to offer any sort of comfort or advice. It has become even more scary as it no longer only targets the elderly, but is hitting the younger generation without mercy. We do our best to eat healthy, exercise and avoid all cancer-provoking substances and yet I was told by my Practitioner that the number one killer is 'stress'. Can we live without stress? I made a point of treating small problems with the minimum of anxiety and the larger ones with a cool mind avoiding unnecessary panic. Not an easy task, but we can only try.

Stella Metaxa Mazzucchelli was born in Athens, Greece and married, aged eighteen, Riccardo Mazzucchelli, the famous Italian businessman. During their twenty-two year marriage, they lived in Zambia and London, where she became a well-known figure on the social scene, and had a brief and successful modeling career at the unusual age of 28. Fedele is their only child. After their divorce, Riccardo married Ivana Trump in 1995, though the marriage was short lived. Stella now lives in Athens where she brings up her granddaughter Katerina. As well as being involved in the property and renovation business, which ensures she maintains connections with London, she is also a tireless campaigner for the better understanding of schizophrenia and mental illness. Silk Flowers Never Die is her first book.

You can find Stella online at www.dynastypress.co.uk and at her blog www.dynastypress.co.uk/news.html.

Silk Flowers Never Die Virtual Book Tour October 2009

Author Stella Mazzucchelli travels the blogosphere in October 2009 on her first virtual book tour with Pump Up Your Book Promotion Public Relations to talk about her biography, Silk Flowers Never Die.

Silk Flowers Never Die is an important and intensely personal memoir, powerfully showing with humanity and humor, the difficulties that exist for any family trying to cope with schizophrenia and mental distress. In a compelling story that reveals how much stranger than fiction fact is, Stella Mazzucchelli describes her determination to preserve her son from the worst effects of mental illness, while his young wife is dying of cancer.

In the process of trying to rise to these challenges, Stella is transformed from a beautiful, over-protected Society woman with alcohol issues, to an impressive, courageous earth-mother who now campaigns to reduce the stigma attached to mental illness by using her privileged position to positive effect. This moving book is informative on a host of subjects, ranging from the lifestyle of the International Super-Rich to the profundities of facing terminal illness and mental disease. Due to its intelligence, insight, and compassion the appeal of this amazing story and struggle should be universal.

Praise for Silk Flowers Never Die:

“A must-read...a moving, informative, and humorous account of living through personal tragedy amidst great privilege...shows how common sense and a good heart are more important than all the money in the world.” – Lady Colin Campbell, author of Diana in Private and The Real Diana


Stella Metaxa Mazzucchelli was born in Athens, Greece and married, aged eighteen, Riccardo Mazzucchelli, the famous Italian businessman. During their twenty-two year marriage, they lived in Zambia and London, where she became a well-known figure on the social scene, and had a brief and successful modeling career at the unusual age of 28. Fedele is their only child. After their divorce, Riccardo married Ivana Trump in 1995, though the marriage was short lived. Stella now lives in Athens where she brings up her granddaughter Katerina. As well as being involved in the property and renovation business, she is also a tireless campaigner for the better understanding of schizophrenia and mental illness. Silk Flowers Never Die is her first book.

You can find Stella online at www.dynastypress.co.uk and at her blog www.dynastypress.co.uk/news.html.

If you would like to follow Stella on her virtual book tour, visit the official Pump Up Your Book Promotion Virtual Book Tour site at http://virtualbooktours.wordpress.com/.

Stella’s virtual book tour is brought to you by Pump Up Your Book Promotion Virtual Book Tours, a virtual book tour agency for authors who want quality service for an affordable price. More information can be found on their website at http://www.pumpupyourbookpromotion.com. Sign up for our 12 Days of Christmas Tour Special! Deadline to register is October 30, 2009.