As A Busy Mom Thinks: How I Embraced My Messy Bessy Side

I recall what a neatnik I used to be. That was long before the girls came along and way before I returned to work full time. Even when it was just John Boy and me or Paddy (what the girls call their dad), John Boy, and me things were fairly neat around here. As soon as the Lil' Diva and Lil' Princess arrived, my house exploded into a place filled with things, and lots of them too.

It wouldn't bother me so much if the girls would willingly part with the toys, games, and other kid stuff they outgrow or no longer play with; but they get their sentimental side from their dad, so they keep everything. And once I returned to working outside of the house, there was no way I could keep up the regular household chores, never mind bug them to donate some stuff.

So, for the time being, I am embracing my Messy Bessy side: keeping things just clean enough to be hygienic, but certainly not up to par with what the house used to be.

Now, if I could just reconcile myself to the garden full of weeds out in the back yard, I could be happy.

As a Busy Mom Thinks: Independence Day 2015

I'm sitting here at our friend's beach house on the Outer Banks this Fourth of July. The television news is both frightening and ridiculous--talk of terror threats on this sacred holiday blending in with the heated debate over the appropriateness of the Confederate flag.

The direction our country is heading causes dismay. Once a country that applauded achievement, it now decries success and calls it greed. Once a country that celebrated freedom of speech and freedom of religion, we now live in fear of offending anyone--especially if we are Christians sharing our faith. Instead of praising our cultural differences, we are suspicious and more divided than ever.

America remains the greatest country in the world. Democracy has stood the test of time. Yet, abuse of executive privilege has us moving closer and closer to socialism; as does a Supreme Court that ignores the Tenth Amendment:

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

We are at a dangerous turning point in our country. Either we are going to move closer to socialism or we are going to keep democracy alive and well. We are either going to allow the federal government to centralize control or we are going to elect people who work to keep control in the hands of the states (the people).

I am scared for our future. I am scared for our children's future. Every day I fear some new terror threat will impact our country and the people I love. As we sat and enjoyed the fireworks on the beach tonight, my husband and I were considering how easy it would be for a terrorist with a machine gun to wipe out hundreds of us as we were celebrating our country's independence.

September 11 changed our lives forever. But have we gotten smarter? Have we learned from it? Have we elected leaders who can deal with threats and keep us safe? Do those kinds of leaders exist anymore?

I pray for this country. I pray for its leaders. And I pray for my children and future grandchildren who will live through much more difficult times than my husband and I have known.

God bless us all, and God bless America.

As A Busy Mom Thinks - How Bullies Changed My Daughter

One of my daughters will graduate from middle school next week. It can't come soon enough. You hear how difficult these years can be on children--maybe even recall your own challenges at that age--but until your child is the victim of bullies, I'm not sure one can appreciate how much change happens at the middle school level. 

For years, my daughter held her head high. She believed in herself and her abilities. Her side of the refrigerator was covered in artwork she was proud of and notes stating, "I am awesome!" and "I rock!" 

A mere three years later, she's a totally different person. She believes she's ugly, overweight--though she's not, will never have a boyfriend, and is untalented. This is all thanks to the bullies who have convinced her their words, not mine, are true.

I long for those days when she confidently strolled through the house as if she owned it. I miss those days when I believed her opinion of herself was high enough to weather the storms of middle school with their mean girls and popular boys who don't talk to you unless you are a size two with perfect skin and hair. I never expected my child to be threatened and called names I didn't even know the meaning of when I was that age. And as parents in this age of technology, we know the bullying does not stop at school. It continues via text and social media.

Two major incidents this year brought it all to a head (one I can't talk about here). Then the consequences hit me this weekend when our family was supposed to attend a graduation party. My girls got there first. The minute my middle schooler caught sight of one of the guests--a bully from school--a panic attack seized her. She called me from her cell phone, but she was such a wreck she could barely speak. I thought she was having an asthma attack. What was supposed to be a nice day with friends ended up being a day where my daughter hid in her room watching NetFlix, because no amount of words from her parents could convince her she would be safe at the party.

As someone who was also bullied, I understand what she's going through. But I only felt fearful once that someone would truly act on their words. My daughter's bullies have been physical. They have been hurtful. And honestly, I don't know if there is a way I can help my child gain back what they stole from her: her confidence and her self-esteem.

Please pray for us.

As a Busy Mom Thinks: Review of Grace of Gratitude Journal by Deborah Perdue

It's been a while since I've been able to write a review. Life is hectic. Time is short. I had a chance to sit down lately with this lovely journal I received from Deborah Perdue, though, and it brightened my day.

This beautifully designed journal has glossy pages to help remind you what you are grateful for. Stunning artwork from Tara Thelen blends nicely with Perdue's inspiring text to create a lovely journal you will enjoy picking up over and again. The pages you can write on have a date line and plenty of space for you to jot down what you are grateful for on any given day. What a wonderful way to count your blessings. 

Though the copy I received had its spiral-bound cover placed on backwards and upside down, I will definitely enjoy penning my thoughts on its pages. 

Currently in stock at Amazon.

I received a copy of this book from the author. This review contains my honest opinions, which I have not been compensated for in any way.

As A Busy Mom Thinks - Take the Politics Out of Education

Does anyone know when public education became more about politics than in providing quality education to our children? Maybe I'm naive, but shouldn't the children be our first priority?

The issue of Common Core has divided our little town and, as a result, one of the political committees has received some push back from members of the School Committee who are running for re-election. This will probably be one of the most exciting election cycles our town has seen in a while.

Having the privilege to serve on the District Curriculum Advisory Committee, I've learned a great deal since September. Being a member of this committee has been very eye-opening. And while Common Core is definitely a large part of our discussion, our interactions feel very different and more respectful than what I am seeing in other arenas.

Here's praying level heads continue to work for our children.

As a Busy Mom Thinks - Stretched Too Thin

I temporarily dropped out of my online writing group because as I told them, "I am stretched thinner than a thong bikini on an elephant."

The blessing of being busy with real estate has been wonderful, but my recovery on top of helping my in-laws since my father-in-law's fall, both my daughters having medical issues and just normal day to day stuff, has left me wiped out.

Amazingly, despite all the added things on my plate, my husband's schedule hasn't changed much. Not sure how that happened, but this time in my life reminds me of the Calgon commercials from the 1980s.

As A Busy Moms Thinks: Post-op

I am nearly four weeks post-op. The surgery went well and recovery hasn't been bad despite the horrible back spasms I ended up with as a result of lying on the table for too long. Physical therapy started last Friday, so that should help.

The one tricky thing that amazes me about my experience is that I never realized exactly how much I do around here that keeps the household running. Since I am still two weeks away from being fully functional, my filthy floors that I am not allowed to vacuum or wash are driving me insane.

No one around here wants to help. In all fairness, the hubby works twelve hours a day and certainly doesn't feel like doing much other than relaxing when he gets home. But what about those kids I have waited on hand and foot for more than a decade? Why is it so hard to get them to help out?

They have a chore list, but it turns into an argument when they won't honor their commitments. Granted, their main focus has to be school, but is it so hard to bring your laundry up to your room each day and put it away? Is it too much to ask that once a week they vacuum a couple of floors? And don't even get me started on the state of their rooms. You need a Hazmat suit just to enter the Lil' Diva's room.

I'm struggling not to overdo it, but I definitely don't want to pull something out of whack and end up back in the hospital. Say a prayer for me that I can get the kids to contribute a bit more.

As a Busy Mom Thinks - Guilty Pleasures

Every busy mom has her guilty pleasures. Mine is watching Downton Abbey. It's a no-brainer that someone who loves history as much as I do would fall for a period show like Downton Abbey, and as a character-driven reader and writer, I am fascinated by the many characters I've discovered over the last five seasons.

I have to admit I didn't want to start watching DA, because it never fails that I fall in love with a show and then it gets canceled. That said, I came into it toward the end of Season 2, went back and watched the previous episodes, and have stayed with it ever since. I think it also helps that creator Julian Fellowes is working on a series for NBC, so one can imagine Downton Abbey ending in the near future. At least a viewer can prepare herself.

Season 5 brought us new romances, uncovered secrets, a wedding, the departure of a beloved character, and a long-awaited proposal. Not sure what the next season will bring, but I can't wait until the rumors start flying.

Do you watch Downton Abbey? What is one of your guilty pleasures?

As a Busy Mom Thinks - Later School Days

Yesterday, I stumbled across this article on research that suggests benefits to later school days. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends all middle and high schools start at 8:30 a.m. or later to adjust for the natural sleep cycle of teens.

Parents are evenly divided on the issue, with half supporting the change and the other half expressing concern about a conflict with after school activities and issues with transportation.

I know both of my daughters would support such a change. It wouldn't make much difference to me except that I would become responsible for driving our middle school age daughter in each morning, since her father would be at work by that time.

What do you think?

As a Busy Mom Thinks - Foreclosures and the Housing Market

Published on economist Dr. Elliot Eisenberg’s blog on February 3^rd:

In 2015 about 500,000 households that lost their homes to foreclosure or a short sale back in 2007 will, if their finances are sufficiently solid, be able to again qualify for a conforming home loan. In all, over seven million such households will be added back to the pool of potential home buyers between now and 2022, with more than a million households being added in years 2016 through 2019. 

I’ve had a chance to meet with many people in the short eight months that I have been working in real estate. Good people who had some financial trouble in the past face a challenge in getting back on track. Eisenberg’s blog, along with what we are seeing in our local market right now, gives me hope that circumstances for many are improving.

How is the economy doing in your part of the country? Do you think it is better or worse than it was a year ago?  

As A Busy Mom Thinks - School Projects

Let’s talk school projects. Some of us hate them. Some of us enjoy them. Some of us might even be indifferent to them. Right now, the Lil’ Princess is in the middle of her latest book project: a story map, an index card filled with important details, and a facial mask she must make of one of the characters.

This year, procrastination has been her approach to things. I had to push her to finish reading the book on time. Once that was done, I had to nag her to start each phase of the project. She didn’t used to be that way but she is right now.

In all fairness to her, I’ve been so busy with my job that it took me until this week to begin searching for a facial mask mold. Thank you, Amazon (the local craft stores were out).

Tonight, I helped her roll out the molding clay so she could put it over the mold. We will let it dry overnight before she finishes completing the mask tomorrow night. Hopefully we have all the supplies she needs because I have no idea what she has planned.

How do you feel about school projects? What has been your favorite one so far?

As a Busy Mom Thinks

Today is the release of a new regular column at The Busy Mom's Daily. This idea has been in the back of my mind for quite a while. When it began percolating, I envisioned it as a way to share opinions about a variety of things; a springboard for discussions with other busy moms. Let’s face it, not only do we busy moms work hard, we have opinions about a variety of topics. We should be able to share and discuss them whenever we want.

The title of this new column, “As a Busy Mom Thinks,” has its origins with Laura Ingalls Wilder. Before becoming a world famous children’s author, Wilder wrote a regular column for the Missouri Ruralist entitled, “As a Farm Woman Thinks.” She discussed home, family, and world events. I envision “As a Busy Mom Thinks” to be similar.

If you are interested in writing a guest post for “As a Busy Mom Thinks,” please email me at ccmal@charter.net.

I’m going to kick off this column with a bit of a rant. Why not start with a bang, right?

Why is it that working moms are expected to juggle family life and career, but working dads aren’t always expected to help out around the house?

When we first moved in here, both of us worked outside the home. Once I left the corporate world to become a stay-at-home mom, I felt part of my contribution was to take care of the house and run errands. For some reason, however, the expectation is that despite me working 40 hours a week now, I should still be the one to do all the laundry, cook, keep the house clean, and run errands. Do I look like Wonder Woman?

So, I must ask, is it the same way at your house or do I simply need to put my foot down?

Hope you enjoy this new column. I look forward to our discussions.