First Chapter Review: Out of Control by Shefali Tsabary, PhD

BLURB:  Every parent wants the golden key to raising well-behaved, academically gifted, successful, happy children. Embedded in the collective psyche is the notion that discipline is the cornerstone to achieving these goals. Out of Control offers a never-before-published perspective on why the entire premise of discipline is flawed. Dr. Shefali Tsabary reveals how discipline is a major cause of generations of dysfunction. The author goes to the heart of the problems parents have with children, challenging society’s dependence on discipline, daring readers to let go of fear-based ideologies and replace them with an approach that draws parent and child together. The key is ongoing meaningful connection between parent and child, free from threats, deprivation, punishment, and timeouts — all forms of manipulation. Parents learn how to enter into deep communion with their children, understanding the reasons for a behavior and how to bring out the best in the child. Far from a laissez-faire, anything goes, approach, this is how a child learns responsibility and takes ownership of their life, equipped with character and resilience that flow naturally from within.

COVER: This color scheme is very appealing and soothing. The blended circles appear to signify the connected and harmonious relationship between parent and child.

FIRST CHAPTER: The opening chapter of Out of Control sets the stage for what is to come. In a few pages, the author is able to outline her philosophy on child rearing.

KEEP READING: Definitely. I received this book quite a while ago, but simply haven't been able to sit down with it. Two recent events with my children have made me realize I can't afford to put off reading it any longer. All of us seem to be at the breaking point lately considering our overloaded schedules and medical issues that have cropped up for many in the family. We need our home life to be more peaceful so that we can deal with the other issues better.

This first chapter is designed to quickly outline Dr. Tsabary's philosophy on why discipline doesn't work and get you thinking: Is she right? I look forward to reading more.

WSJ Wednesday - Better Ways to Discipline Your Kids

Toward the end of the year, I caught this interesting article in the December 26, 2012 edition of The Wall Street Journal. "Smarter Ways to Discipline Kids" by Andrea Petersen states that research suggests which strategies work best. These are techniques used by psychologists to manage/cope/encourage (whatever verb you wish to use) their most difficult children, including those with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and oppositional defiant disorder.

According to the article, parents should not focus on what happens when the child acts out, but instead decide what behaviors they want to see in their kids and praise them when they see them. I find this tough, and I doubt I'm alone. Not that the child shouldn't be reprimanded when he does wrong, but that a "mild negative consequence" without shouting (very hard for me) plus praise for positive behavior goes a long way.

What doesn't work? Trying to reason with your child and overly harsh punishments (guilty as charged). Here's something I wouldn't have thought of. Psychologists at the Yale Parenting Center have found that getting kids to "practice" temper tantrums can lessen their frequency and intensity. Hmm. Who would have thought that?

What techniques have been most successful for you?