An Imperfect Christian Mom's COVID-19 Diary #8

 

A whirlwind of emotions this week. We heard the investigation into the COVID-19 outbreak at the Soldiers' Home in Holyoke is wrapping up soon. Will the families get answers? Probably not ones we can trust. The attorney for the superintendent that was placed on paid leave because of this fiasco held a press conference this week. He pointed the finger at the state. Well, the state officials have been pointing their fingers in his direction, claiming they weren't informed of the situation. 

Sometimes it feels like it's all a game to everyone except the families who have suffered as a result. Lawyers and politicians have no idea what we've gone through. Nothing will bring my father-in-law back. No investigation will change what happened. But, change is necessary to protect the remaining and future residents of the Soldiers' Home. So, the families continue to keep the story out there in the media. We continue to share memories of our loved ones. We continue to try to find a way to contribute and make a difference.

This week, I spoke to a woman whose father befriended my father-in-law. They had a group of eight guys hanging out, sharing stories, and enjoying one another's company. Five are gone now. What must it be like for those who remain? What must it be like for the staff that remains? I shuddered to think of it. 

I'm eager to hear they are open to visitors again. There are people I want to see and veterans who I would like to spend time with. We all must heal together. 

The good thing is that going back to work has helped a bit. I'm also writing some. If my mind stays busy, the darkness can't take over. I opened my Bible app today to Psalm 55:22: Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Oh, I needed to hear that today. If I were a better Christian, the darkness would be drowned out by the light. If I spent more time in prayer, my frustration would subside. I am reading the Word, but definitely not enough. In some ways, I feel unworthy, since I should immediately flock to the comfort of the Word in times of trouble. Why haven't I spent the long nights when I struggle to sleep reading my Bible? 

Brighter days are coming. They might not come easy, but they will come. I feel it will be easier once I find a new church. That needs to be a focus once life returns to some form of normal. I miss singing. I miss fellowship. I miss that time dedicated solely to something to refresh my soul.